PUKING ON THE DONALD

Playing the zombie-version of Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Zombie: The Musical had me living (hah!), breathing, and dreaming zombies lately.  The other night, I dreamt I was at a Trump rally pretending to throw up on everyone there and causing general mayhem. I attribute this to my projectile vomiting scene in the play (SPOILER!).

Then, my brother and I were scheduled to act as supporters and stand behind Donald on a clear glass platform about 25 feet in the air. We got onto the platform and rose up via elevator pulley to stand high above the rabble below. Donald spewed his regular demagogic, inflammatory drivel while we stood behind him, pulling the most ridiculous faces I could manage and continuing to pretend-puke.  Somehow, I thought that these efforts would help prevent people from wanting to vote for him.  I was making faces so hard, I was sweating.

I had neglected to inform my brother of my plan so he was improvising by doing some strange kicking motions in the air on the other side of the platform. I was sure we would be arrested as soon as the platform returned to the ground but Trump wasn’t taking any notice at all – for the moment. In my dream-mind, I was doing what I could to save America.

The dream reminded me that I haven’t yet posted my latest Vera video on this blog yet.  I did think about denying this guy any further publicity by talking about him in a video but I truly couldn’t help myself.  He and Vera are a match made in heaven.

Here it is:

Anyway, My Fair Zombie seems to be going well.  I love my cast. It’s such an odd assortment of likeable nut-jobs. The costumes I’ve seen so far are amazing and the band sounds great.  We’ve also started testing out our “special effects”. Everyone’s getting more and more excited to open May 4th and the run is already %50 sold-0ut! Can’t wait.

Photo by HeLENS Photography. MY FAIR ZOMBIE IS %50 SOLD-OUT! Get tickets at http://www.thegladstone.ca.

Beginning of March in Haikus

dare yee not stand left
upon yon escalator
or face mine cruel wrath*

such a big planet
it seems such a sad pity
to see so little

lewd and full of swears,
old people liked it because
“Pardon me, Jesus!”

number 14 bus
full of whack-nuts and loonies
all going the same way

heart in front of you
no glass screens to hide behind –
that’s live theatre

after performing
for two weeks in full makeup
your real face looks weird

the curtain closes
return to reality
another opens

snarling and singing,
it’s hard being an elegant
musical zombie

“Lisabette, you’re drunk” “I am. I’m really drunk.”                                                                                  Photo from Anton In Show Business rehearsal by Andrew Alexander

 

*“cruel” should be read as a single syllable.  Because I’m cheating.

© Robin Hodge 2016

What It’s Like to Perform Anton In Show Business

First week of performances down, one more week to go.  Anton In Show Business is a joy.

I have been working with the Three Sisters Theatre Company on this play by Jane Martin since the beginning of January.  I play Lisabette, a naive schoolteacher from Texas who has left her job to pursue her calling as an actress.  It’s a play about a play within a play.  

“Winner of the 2001 American Theatre Critics Steinberg New Play Award, this madcap comedy follows three actresses across the footlights, and down the rabbit hole and into a strangely familiar Wonderland that looks remarkably like the theatre! As these women pursue their dream, they’re whisked through a maelstrom of conflicts between art and “show biz” created by a production of Chekhov’s Three Sisters in San Antonio.”

Auditions were at the end of October with callbacks at the beginning of November so I’d been looking forward to starting the work all through the Christmas holidays.  At the same time, I was also overjoyed to discover that I was also cast as “Eliza” in Brett Kelly Entertainment’s production of My Fair Zombie so there has been a bit of overlap in the two rehearsal schedules.  (I’ve had to miss several rehearsals for MFZ due to tech rehearsals and performances of Anton this week but everyone’s been good about it so far.)

Everyone in the cast is so talented.  Our first read-through filled me with hope for the quality of the production as I heard each of the voices that were going to bring our characters to life for the first time.  Some people’s personalities were visible from the start but others’ gradually began to let their colours shine through.  I started to like the script more and more every time I heard it.  Everything in it made more and more sense each time.

It is an all-female cast and crew, except for our lighting designer, David, who only joined the group during tech week.  In case you are not familiar with work in show business, having a mostly female cast and crew is enormously rare (see here, here and  here).  Most playwrights, screenwriters and directors who have shows produced are male and most roles are written for men.  It’s a first for most of us and it feels somewhat foreign but it’s lovely. Before starting the work, a couple of people said to me “All girls, eh?  That’s going to be drama.  Too much estrogen in one place”.  I believed it because I had thought it too, briefly.  But why did we all think that?  Why have we become conditioned to assume that women can’t work together without fighting?  Everyone has been professional and very respectful of each other, admiring each others’ unique talents.  We help each other and offer up recipes and various suggestions to fix various real-life issues we may be having.  Most of all, we are kind to each other.  Women working together doesn’t have to be tense.  Just don’t hire douche-bags and you should be safe.  It can be wonderful.

From the left: Laura Hall, Rachel Eugster, Robin Hodge, Shawna Pasini, Robin Guy, Iyono Ede, Alexis Scott. Photo by Andrew Alexander.

After discovering at the first read-through that all of us were somewhat musical, we sang at the beginning of every rehearsal in rounds together.  For the first time in my experience in theatre, the entire cast and crew of a non-musical play could sing in tune and in harmony.  And there were thirteen of us.  It is beautiful to hear 13 women’s voices singing in unison and apart.  Even songs with lyrics such as “To stop the train in cases of emergency, pull down the chain, pull down the chain.  Penalty for improper use: five pounds” sound gorgeous.  It was the part I most looked forward to before each rehearsal.

Behind-the-scenes, we talk about each other’s personal projects, kids, life experiences and food.  Oh, and how to keep mustaches on so that they don’t fall off in the middle of a scene again.  But mostly, we laugh.  Some of these ladies are so funny that I have only narrowly escaped peeing my pants at rehearsal on a couple of occasions.

Backstage chit-chat (photo by Robin Guy)

I like to arrive at the theatre early to take my time with my makeup and chill.  A couple of us are like that.  It is our happy place.

The shows have been going well and people have been responding positively so far (knock on wood).  Here are a few reviews:

• Apt613
• Ottawa Life Magazine
• OnStage Ottawa

Today is our only dark day.  I have the day off to wait around for plumbers to come by to fix our backed-up and flooding pipes.  It feels strange to not be at the theatre.  Yesterday morning, I was smiling to myself on the bus the whole way there for our matinee, looking forward to spending another day with this bunch of wonderful humans.  I can’t wait to do it again!

Photo by Andrew Alexander

 

When Crackheads Narrate Your Life

On the bus on my way to rehearsal, I sit in the back of the bus near a freckle-faced woman with a slackened jaw and a tall, pirate-goateed guy.  He looks like Snoop Dogg.  They are sitting in the last row against the back wall of the bus, the man on the far right seat, and the woman in the middle seat.  The woman is on her cellphone.

At first, I don’t realize they are together until she hangs up and the two of them look at each other and waggle their fingers together, doing some sort of strange, unpremeditated secret handshake.  Then the woman shifts over a seat to snuggle up to the guy and they talk about mutual acquaintances they have.  I don’t really pay attention as I am looking at my phone for directions but I do notice that they are slightly more animated than the average gloomy bus passenger.

Then, I pull my script out of my purse and open it up to review my scene for the day. As I do so, I can feel the woman looking at me with big eyes.  I am right across from them with my back to the window on the left side of the bus but I can plainly hear everything they say unless they mumble.

WOMAN: Look at that girl…  What is she doing?

SNOOP DOGG: She’s just studying.

WOMAN: Are you sure?

SNOOP DOGG: Yeah, she’s just studying her book.

WOMAN: Must be something…

They change the subject to my relief as I ignore them.  The woman complains about someone she knows and they discuss the phone call she has just had.  Then, they look at me again.

WOMAN: She’s hot.

SNOOP DOGG: Yeah.

WOMAN: Maybe she’d…  I don’t think she likes me though.  I don’t think she likes me.  I don’t think she likes girls.

SNOOP DOGG: Well you don’t know.  You didn’t ask her.

WOMAN: I’m not gonna ask her.

SNOOP DOGG: You should.

WOMAN: No, I’m not going to.

SNOOP DOGG: Well then, stop complaining.

WOMAN: I’m not complaining.

SNOOP DOGG: Don’t complain about something you don’t know.

They argue but it is more mumbled now so I can’t make it out quite so well anymore.  I am just grateful she doesn’t ask me.  I decide to focus on my lines and I guess I start mouthing the words of my script.  The man notices immediately.

SNOOP DOGG: Look.  She’s talking to herself.

WOMAN: That’s weird…  What if she’s talking about us?

SNOOP DOGG: Yeah, weird.  Maybe she’s one of those crazy people.
(After a pause) She’s studying.

They talk about something else for a bit.  I turn the page of my script.

SNOOP DOGG: OH LOOK!  She did it again!

They both stare at me in silence.

WOMAN: Huh.

There is a lull in their conversation.  The automated message for “LAST STOP” plays on the intercom.  The guy takes a bottle of Snapple out of his backpack.  He holds it on his knee.

WOMAN: You just hold your juice like that?

SNOOP DOGG: Yeah.  So?

WOMAN: It just looks so dumb.

SNOOP DOGG: Man, this is some bullshit.  No.  No.  Just bullshit.

WOMAN: What? Just ’cause I said that about your juice?

The man gathers up his stuff.

SNOOP DOGG: Bullshit.  Fuck you.

As he says this he stands up and storms off to a seat further forward on the bus.  The woman notices that she is alone at the back of the bus except me and another girl who just got on, is wearing headphones and is presently looking determinedly out the window.

WOMAN: Great guy.  Great guy.

SNOOP DOGG (further away): Bullshit…

WOMAN: Great guy.

I concentrate so hard on my script I could bore holes through it with my eyeballs.  The bus stops and we all get off.

The Beard Slap

Just a quick beard slap I thought I’d put here.  Remember kids, violence is not the only way to grow facial hair.

Happy (belated) Halloween!

Figured I’d put this here, in case you missed it.  Vera’s Halloween Safety Tips for Adults:

I had a lot of fun recording this one.

Then, Vera went to Toronto for Halloween.  We had an amazing time partying at my friend’s place and then in the Village and then at a rambunctious gay party in some dude’s giant studio, where we danced the night away.  My brother even came along, dressed as a “gorilla cowboy” (it was exactly what it sounds like).  My friend was dressed as Elsa Mars (Jessica Lange) from American Horror Story.  I only managed to get 3 pictures the whole night because we were having too much fun.

Elsa Mars from American Horror Story, Vera dressed as a cat, and a Gorilla Cowbo

Vera meets Xena! (or, alternately, Xena’s first visit to Jersey Shore)

Happy (belated) Halloween!  (Vera can’t smile or she’ll get wrinkles.)

Halloween, as usual, was a blast.  November 1st, we crashed and burned like unwelcome demons on All Saints Day.

Tattoos I Would Like to Get

It’s true what they say: tattoos are addictive.

Ever since I got a tattoo, I’ve been obsessed with them.  I’ve binge-watched every tattoo show I could scrounge up on YouTube and even started drawing my own.  I love the artwork and individual expression.  I even briefly fantasized about a career as a tattoo artist before realizing that I would probably eventually get very sick of drawing skulls, praying hands and basic hearts.

Because if my acting, I want to maintain as much versatility as possible in my body’s appearance.  This is the reason I have a very boring, plain-Jane haircut at all times.  If I had my real druthers, I would have a La Roux ‘do.

I never know which parts of my body may be required to be shown on stage or on camera as every project is very different.  I want to be able to perform in any genre, any time-period.  When I got my first tattoo, I told myself to get it in a spot that would be unlikely to be seen and easily covered up – for me, this was my armpit/shoulder, right in the place that is usually covered by my bra band and strap.  Now that I want more tattoos, I am realizing that I only have very limited space like this.  I’ve joked about getting tattoos all the way around the inside edges of my bra band.  I’m sure this would look very strange.  Still, I’m constantly coming up with new ideas for tattoos I’d like to get.

Here are my recurring ideas so far:

• a sailfish
• a thistle
• Queen Anne’s lace
• tarot cards
• leaves with some sort of flower arrangement
• birds all up my side:
  • a blue jay
  • a red-winged blackbird
  • a cardinal
  • a crow
  • a magpie with pearls
• a jellyfish
• an octopus
• Queen of Clubs riding a sea dragon
• an ocean/waves
• a white-ink reminder of temporariness (the artsy-fartsier, the better)
• Mr. T’s face

P.S.  A tattoo artist I’ve been loving lately: https://instagram.com/freeorgy/

The Tiny Dog and the Secret Dance

Here are the most recently posted videos in my Melville Boys Adventures series:

Swimmin’ in the Rain and Secret Sexy Dancing:

The Tiny Dog and the Worst Big Booty:

THE BANCROFT WITCH PROJECT!

As promised, here is the video that documents our fateful hike in the woods of Eagle’s Nest, Bancroft.

My friends are wack.  I’m lucky.

The Intervention and a Trip to Jug City

Here are my most recent episodes in the Melville Boys Adventures series.  In true vlog style, everything captured was entirely spontaneous.  It’s still cool for me to discover what is contained in the footage as I go through it.  Hanging out with actors can get weird sometimes and I forget this until I take a step back every once in a while.

The Intervention:

We Sports Good and Go to Jug City:

Our scary, Blair-Witch-Project-style hike in the woods is up next.